too horrible by half: fanny packs

Do I really need to explain this? All women have fat aprons as my sewing teacher calls them, to keep the baby warm, as my mother says. Do we really need to accentuate this area with another pouch to keep our change in? And wearing fanny packs to the side is no better. I for one, with 40" hips (and that's all hips, no butt) do NOT need any wider of a profile. And heaven forbid we actually wear them as their name suggests. I saw this tower of fannies in the BYU bookstore today and I nearly vomitted in my mouth, but was too distracted by getting my camera out to really have any problems. Worst of all, these "brilliant" leather fannies are the nasty patchwork type a la the spell book from Hocus Pocus, yeah, you know the one.