Sunday, October 16, 2011

too horrible by half: Mustaches

I support most things hipster. When I feel so inclined I hipster it out myself, put on  my boy specs, red lip stain and nautical neckerchief and I'm ready to go. But there is one hipster fad that I cannot get behind, the mustache, which ruin many a handsome boy.

The thing with the hipster or "ironic" mustache is that those who sport them hardly have the ability to grow anything close to a beard, let alone some lip fringe. Is that what makes them ironic? I just don't get it. 
  Apparently "in addition to being stylish, mustaches also serve as excellent salt licks during exercise" or so says my friend Scott. I hesitate to mention anything remotely positive about the hipsterstache, but trust my readers will see this pro as one of the biggest and most disgusting cons. My freshman year of college I was introduced to "no shave November" that had something to do with raising awareness for something (the cause obviously stuck). The boys on BYU campus would grow their 'staches, then shave them off come December. Somehow "no shave November" has gone year round. Having gone to BYU where being clean shaven is apart of the mandatory dress and grooming standards, I assumed 'staches would be poo pooed as beards (no matter how well manscaped) are, but alas alack, they are not. I don't know why they aren't. In my opinion a well trimmed beard is much more becoming and groomed looking than a mustache, at least on 20 something dweebs. Is it that those who can't grow beards are trying to prove that, even though minute, they can achieve something in the facial hair department? All or nothing boys, all or nothing.  Leave 'staches to the unironic professonials such as Tom Selleck, Clark Gable and Ron Swanson.
 Jude Law committing the hipster sin of nasty 'stache-age. Combined with the deep-V and messenger strap I'd say he's the poster child for the dark days of Hipster-dom.
Clearly Mr. Selleck rocks the 'stache rather than not, but let's remember how much of a nonhipster man's man he is, and how well groomed the Tomustache has always been. 


  1. You make me laugh and mustaches are disgusting on anyone that is not Tom Selleck or Rhett Butler.

  2. Seriously? Mustaches are approved in the BYU dress code? Yuck!